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Do you sometimes feel like people don’t listen to you? Do you feel like your voice isn’t heard in important conversations? If so, learning how to communicate assertively can be really helpful. This type of communication involves using strong but respectful language, which can benefit both you and your relationships.
This blog post will discuss the definition of assertive communication, the benefits of communicating assertively, and some tips for improving your communication skills!
How to Create a Collaborative Envir...
How to Create a Collaborative Environment
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What is Assertive Communication?
Assertive communication is the ability to express oneself effectively and honestly while respecting the rights and feelings of others. It means speaking up for oneself respectfully, clearly, and directly. People who communicate assertively can express their needs and wants without being overly aggressive or passive.
Assertive communicators feel comfortable stating their opinions and feelings and are willing to listen to the views and feelings of others. They maintain their self-respect by not tolerating verbal abuse or manipulation from others, but they also respect the rights of others to express themselves freely. This type of communication can be used in personal relationships and professional settings.
Related: Communication Competence
Why is assertiveness important?
Being assertive is essential because it allows you to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings while maintaining respect for yourself and others.
Many people find it challenging to be assertive because they’re afraid of conflict or don’t want to rock the boat. But being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Aggressive communication is characterized by hostility, threats, and verbal abuse. On the other hand, assertive communication is characterized by a respectful delivery, a clear message, and a focus on solving the problem.
Assertiveness means that you are confident in communicating with others. Additionally, it can help you control stress and anger. Recognizing and learning assertive behavior can help improve your influencing skills and overall well-being.
Related: Kinesics Communication – Art Of Body Language
8 Benefits of Assertive Communication
There are many benefits to communicating assertively, including:
1. Improved self-esteem
Regarding improving self-esteem, assertive communication can be a powerful tool. This type of communication involves expressing yourself clearly, confidently, and respectfully. It consists in setting boundaries, being honest about your needs and feelings, and being willing to stand up for yourself.
Assertive communication can help you feel good about yourself and build healthier relationships. It can also help you deal with difficult situations more positively. For example, when you are assertive, you are more likely to meet your needs and feel heard and respected. You are also less likely to feel resentful, frustrated, or angry.
If you have low self-esteem, you may find it challenging to be assertive. You may worry about what other people will think of you or whether they will approve of you. You may also tend to avoid conflict or bottle up your feelings. However, it is essential to remember that being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself in a respectful way.
2. Improved work performance
Assertive communication can help you handle difficult situations more effectively, set clear boundaries, and improve overall satisfaction with your job. Let’s take a closer look at each of these benefits in turn.
When you can communicate assertively, you can express yourself clearly and confidently without being aggressive. This can be extremely helpful in managing stress levels both at work and in your personal life. It can improve work performance and satisfaction when you feel like you can express yourself fully and without fear.
In addition, it can help you to set clear boundaries with others. This means you will be less likely to become involved in conflict or difficult situations. If you know your limits, it will be easier to stick to them. This can lead to increased productivity and fewer workplace issues overall.
3. Helps in Understanding and recognizing your feelings
Learning to be assertive can help you better understand and acknowledge your feelings. When you can communicate your needs and wants assertively, you are more likely to get them met. This can lead to improved self-esteem and confidence and better relationships with others.
Assertiveness is a skill that can be learned, starting with understanding your rights and needs. Once you know what you want, you can begin communicating this to others in a powerful way. This means being direct, honest, and respectful while still standing up for yourself.
It can be helpful to practice assertive statements in your head before you need to use them in real life. This can help you feel more prepared and confident when the time comes. But, remember, there is no “right” way to be assertive, so do whatever feels most comfortable for you.
4. Create win-win situations
Assertive communication is a crucial skill in creating win-win situations. When you use this style of communicating your needs and wants clearly and confidently, without being aggressive, you can stand up for yourself while still respecting others.
Assertiveness can help you to:
- Get your point across without causing conflict
- Build better relationships with others
- Resolve differences of opinion more effectively
- Feel good about yourself and your ability to communicate effectively.
Being assertive doesn’t mean that you always get your way. Instead, it means that you can express yourself honestly and openly, without putting down others or getting defensive. Assertiveness is a healthy balance between passivity and aggression.
5. Less stress develops
It is said that the way we communicate with others reflects our personality. For example, if we are assertive, we are confident and can express ourselves clearly. On the other hand, if we are not, we tend to be shy or aggressive. Both of these communication styles can lead to stress in our lives.
When we are not assertive, we might avoid conflict and be taken advantage of. This can lead to us feeling resentful and stressed. Alternatively, we might be aggressive and always ready to fight. This can also lead to stress because we are always on the defensive and ready for a confrontation.
Assertive communication is a happy medium between these two extremes. It allows us to express ourselves clearly and confidently without being shy or aggressive. Communicating assertively makes us more likely to resolve conflict peacefully and meet our needs. This can lead to less stress in our lives.
6. Improved decision-making skills
Decision-making is a critical skill in any leadership role. The ability to make sound decisions quickly and effectively can mean the difference between success and failure. Assertive communication is one of the most important tools a leader can use to improve their decision-making skills.
When you are assertive, you can state your needs and opinions clearly and confidently. This allows you to get the information you need from others to make the best possible decision. Assertiveness also shows respect for others and their opinions. This open communication style fosters an environment of trust and cooperation, which is essential for effective decision-making.
Leaders who use assertive communication are more likely to make decisions based on accurate information and consider the needs of all involved parties. They are also more likely to gain the support of others for their choices. So overall, it is an essential skill for any leader who wants to improve their decision-making skills.
7. Earn respect from others
When we communicate assertively, we are clear, direct, and respectful. We state our needs and wants clearly, without being aggressive or forceful. We also listen to the needs and wants of others and consider them before making decisions.
In addition, it helps us earn respect from others by showing that we respect their needs and opinions. Communicating assertively makes us more likely to come to mutually agreeable solutions that satisfy everyone involved.
8. Improved Communication
Assertive communication can also help improve communication because it allows for more open and honest dialogue. Additionally, it fosters mutual respect and understanding between parties involved in a conversation.
When people communicate assertively, they are more likely to feel heard and respected, improving relationships. Also, it can reduce conflict by promoting healthy confrontation and resolution.
Lastly, it can help build self-esteem and empower individuals to express their needs and wants more effectively. So overall, this style of communication is an important skill to improve communication.
Related: Overcome Communication Apprehension
8 Examples of Assertive communication
Below are some real-life situations where you need assertive communication;
1. When you need to set boundaries
If you constantly give in to others or say “yes” when you want to say “no,” then it’s time to start being more assertive. Setting boundaries is an integral part of taking care of yourself, and it’s something that you should not be afraid to do.
2. When you’re being ignored or treated unfairly
It can be very frustrating when you feel like you’re being ignored or mistreated. If this happens to you, it’s important to communicate assertively so that the other person knows how you’re feeling and what you expect from the situation.
3. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it’s important to communicate assertively to get the support and help you need. Trying to bottle up your feelings will only worsen, so it’s important to let others know how you’re feeling.
4. When you need to ask for what you want
If you’re not getting what you want, it’s time to become more assertive. Whether you’re asking for a raise at work or simply asking your partner to do something around the house, being assertive is the best way to get what you want.
5. When you’re being put down or made to feel inferior
Nobody deserves to be made to feel inferior, and if you’re in a situation where you’re being put down, it’s important to communicate assertively. This will let the other person know that their behavior is unacceptable and that you expect to be treated with respect.
6. When you need to stand up for yourself
If someone is constantly taking advantage of you or putting you in situations where you’re uncomfortable, it’s essential to stand up for yourself. This doesn’t mean that you need to become aggressive, but it does mean that you need to be firm in your communication and let the other person know what is and is not acceptable.
7. When you see someone else being treated unfairly
It can be challenging to watch someone else being mistreated, especially if it’s someone close to you. But it’s important to remember that you have the power to do something about it. If you speak up and communicate assertively, you may be able to help the situation.
8. When you’re in a complex or challenging situation
There will be times when you’re faced with a challenging situation. It’s during these times that it’s most important to communicate assertively. Being assertive will help you get through the situation and come out on the other side, whether you’re dealing with a problem at work or a personal issue.
Related: How To Introduce Yourself as a Manager To A New Team
What are the 3 C’s of assertive communication?
The three C’s of assertive communication are:
- Confidence – You believe in your ability to handle a situation.
- Clear – The message you have is clear and easy to understand.
- Controlled – You deliver information in a calm and controlled manner.
What are the 5 Characteristics of an assertive communicator?
An assertive communicator can effectively communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs to themselves and others. They can stand up for themselves and their beliefs while also being open to hearing the perspectives of others.
Here are five characteristics of an assertive communicator:
1. They have confidence in themselves
Being assertive requires having confidence in oneself. This means knowing what your boundaries, likes, and dislikes are. People with trouble being assertive often allow others to make decisions for them. For example, they might not have a favorite food because they’ve never thought about it. If this sounds familiar, it’s an excellent opportunity to know yourself better.
Pay attention to the things around you and form your own opinions. Are you interested in an activity because you enjoy it or because everyone else is doing it? Once you start exploring your interests, assertiveness will be easier.
2. They aren’t afraid to speak up
Assertive people aren’t scared to speak up, even when they’re in a group of people. They know that their voice matters and they have something valuable to say. This can be difficult if you’re used to being a people-pleaser. You might be worried about what others will think of you or if you’ll offend them.
It’s important to remember that everyone has different opinions, and that’s okay. It’s also okay to agree to disagree with someone. The key is to express your opinion respectfully.
3. They know how to compromise
Compromise is an important part of being assertive. This doesn’t mean you always have to give in to what others want. It means finding a solution that works for everyone involved.
For example, maybe you’re planning a party with a friend, and they want it to be at their house. You might not be comfortable with that because you have a small apartment. Instead of arguing, you can compromise by suggesting that the party be at a neutral location like a park or restaurant.
4. They know their limits
Assertive people know their limits and are not afraid to set boundaries. This is especially important in relationships, both romantic and platonic. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of, it’s okay to say no.
Remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re saying no. Instead, you can simply say you’re unavailable or not interested. This can be difficult if you’re used to people-pleasing, but it’s important to remember that your time and energy are valuable.
5. They’re assertive but not aggressive
It’s important to differentiate between being assertive and being aggressive. Assertive communicators can stand up for themselves and their beliefs without being aggressive. This means that they can have healthy debates and discussions with others without resorting to name-calling or personal attacks.
If you find yourself getting defensive or attacking someone when they disagree with you, it might be a sign that you need to work on being more assertive. Remember that it’s okay to disagree with someone, but there’s no need to be mean.
Assertiveness is an important communication skill that everyone should work on. Being assertive can build healthier relationships, set boundaries, and have difficult conversations. If you’re not used to being assertive, it might take some time to get comfortable with it. Remember to be confident in yourself, speak up, and know how to compromise.
Related: New Employee Self Introduction Speech
Assertive vs. Passive communication
There are two main types of communication styles – assertive and passive. Passive communicators tend to be more timid and apologetic when speaking and may not always speak up for themselves if they feel they are being wronged. On the other hand, assertive communicators respect their rights and the rights of others when communicating.
This person tends to be direct but not aggressive or offensive. Both communication styles have advantages and disadvantages, so choosing the best style for you in any given situation is crucial. Assertive communication is often seen as the most effective style, as it allows you to get your point across without offending or hurting others.
However, passive communication may be more appropriate in certain situations, such as dealing with a difficult person or defusing a confrontational situation. Ultimately, the best way to communicate is to use a mix of both styles, depending on the situation.
Assertive vs. aggressive behavior
Assertiveness and aggression are two completely different behaviors. Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself respectfully, unthreatening, and nonviolent. On the other hand, aggression usually involves threatening, attacking, or ignoring others. When you’re assertive, you’re not trying to put anyone else down—you’re just expressing your opinion or needs.
And while assertiveness can sometimes lead to conflict, it doesn’t have to be at someone else’s expense. On the contrary, assertiveness can help resolve conflict by ensuring everyone’s needs are heard and respected. So next time you feel defensive, remember that being assertive—not aggressive—is the key to maintaining respect and getting what you want.
Assertive vs. passive-aggressive behavior
Assertiveness and passive-aggressive behavior may seem like opposite ends of the spectrum, but they are more similar than you might think. Both involve repressing your true feelings and communicating indirectly and are often harmful. The main difference is that assertive behavior is more openly hostile, while passive-aggressive behavior is subtle and disguised as cooperation or compliance.
Passive-aggressive behavior often arises from a fear of conflict or a feeling of powerlessness. Rather than confront the person or situation causing you stress, you internalize your anger and find indirect ways to express it. This can manifest as procrastination, backhanded compliments, or “joking” sarcasm. While passive-aggressive behavior may avoid an immediate confrontation, it creates more tension and resentment.
On the other hand, assertiveness is about facing your fears and owning your anger. It is about being honest about your feelings and taking responsibility for your emotions. When done healthily, assertiveness can lead to greater relationship clarity and understanding. It can also help you set boundaries and stand up for yourself in difficult situations. However, like any communication style, assertiveness can be taken to extremes.
That’s a quick overview of assertive communication- what it is, the benefits, and some tips to get you started. How can you put this information into practice? We would love to hear from you! Leave your thoughts and comments below. And if you want more information on how to communicate effectively, be sure to check out our other blog posts.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
How do you deal with assertive people?
It is important to remain calm and collected when dealing with assertive people. You should listen actively to what they say and maintain good eye contact. Do not get distracted or allow your body language to show that you are uncomfortable. Instead, keep an open and confident posture.
If you fidget or appear apologetic, the assertive person may view you as weak and unconfident. Avoiding closed body languages, such as crossed arms or a worried facial expression, is also important. Instead, try to remain relaxed and friendly. You can defuse any situation and come out on top by remaining calm and confident.
How do I know if I am a good communicator?
When it comes to communication, you might wonder how you stack up. How do you know if you’re a good communicator? There are a few key things that good communicators tend to do. First, they have a good understanding of their audience. They consider who they’re talking to and what kind of message will resonate with them. Second, they can adjust their message for certain people. They’re not afraid to tailor their words or approach to fit their listener’s needs.
And third, they’re able to relate to their audience. They build rapport and create a connection that allows them to better communicate with the person or group. So if you want to improve your communication skills, start by focusing on those three things. Understanding your audience, adjusting your message, and creating a rapport will go a long way in helping you become a more effective communicator.
What 3 things describe an assertive person?
Assertive people can express themselves freely and openly without feeling the need to put down or control others. They also typically have strong emotional control and can develop comfortable and healthy relationships with others. In contrast, aggressiveness is the quality of being forceful and demanding in a way often perceived as abusive or threatening. So, when it comes to assertiveness, it is all about having confidence without crossing the line into aggression.
What do cronies mean?
A crony is a close friend, especially one who has known you for a long time. The word is often used to describe someone loyal and supportive, but it can also have negative feelings, suggesting that the person is corrupt or lacks principles. Cronies are often associated with politicians, who may appoint them to government positions or give them special favors.
In some cases, the term may refer to a business relationship, such as when two companies have a close association. The term crony typically suggests a relationship based on personal loyalty rather than professional skills, whether positive or negative.
What are communication games OR communication exercises?
Communication games are designed to get people talking to each other and practicing their communication skills. They can be used in various settings, including the workplace, the classroom, and social gatherings. There are many different types of communication games, but they all share a common goal: to get people talking and listening to each other.
Popular communication games include “Pass the Message” and “I Spy.” These games are fun but also help people improve their communication skills. With practice, people can learn to listen more carefully, express themselves more clearly, and build better relationships with others.
What is assertiveness training?
Assertiveness training is a form of therapy used since the 1970s to help people learn how to communicate their needs and wants better. The goal of assertiveness training is to help people feel more confident and in control when communicating with others, so they don’t feel taken advantage of or used.
It typically involves learning to identify and express feelings, set boundaries, and handle conflict. It can be helpful for people who tend to avoid conflict or frequently find themselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations. Assertiveness training can be an effective way to reduce stress and improve communication skills.
What is Non-Verbal Communication?
Nonverbal communication is an incredibly important part of human interaction. After all, it’s estimated that 93% of all communication is nonverbal. That means that the way we carry ourselves, the expressions on our faces, and even the tone of our voices can say far more than the words we speak. And while nonverbal communication is often unconscious, it can still be a powerful tool for conveying messages and signals.
For example, eye contact can convey confidence or interest, while a smile can signify happiness or warmth. In addition, research has shown that people skilled at nonverbal communication are often more successful in personal and professional lives. So whether you’re trying to make a good first impression or want to understand the people around you better, paying attention to nonverbal cues is always a good idea.
What is a communication workshop?
A communications workshop provides an opportunity to learn how to effectively communicate with others to increase visibility and support for a cause. In today’s ever-connected world, it is more important than ever to communicate in a clear, concise, and persuasive way.
The communications workshop will teach attendees how to develop a cohesive message and deliver it in a way that is sure to make an impact. Whether you want to improve your communication skills or your organization, this workshop will give you the tools you need to succeed.
Here are a few examples of assertive statements:
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to say no this time.” “Unfortunately, I can't take on any more tasks at the moment.” “Please don't walk away from me while we're having a conversation.” “I respect your opinion, but let's agree to disagree.”
Examples of assertive behavior include saying “no”, refusing unreasonable requests, asking another person to behave differently, communicating clearly how an event or situation has made you feel (positive and negative), expressing an opinion, or pursuing one's personal goals.What are 6 assertive communication techniques? ›
- Assess your style. Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? ...
- Use 'I' statements. ...
- Practice saying no. ...
- Rehearse what you want to say. ...
- Use body language. ...
- Keep emotions in check. ...
- Start small.
Assertive communication examples
“You are always late and never think about anyone else but yourself!” “It's fine. I didn't want to see it that much anyway!” “I'm really disappointed we missed the movie because I really wanted to see it.
- In her spare time, she enjoys writing about the chirping of birds.
- She has an aversion to crowds.
- Her younger brother mimics animal noises.
- It had started to rain.
- Honesty is the best policy.
- The class was full of pupils.
- East is the direction in which the Sun rises.
For example, instead of saying: "That's a stupid idea," try: "I don't really like that idea." Or instead of saying: "He's such a jerk," try: "I think he's insensitive." Find a role model who's good at being assertive — not too passive and not too aggressive.What are the 3 key assertive behaviors? ›
- Being open in expressing wishes, thoughts and feelings and encouraging others to do likewise. ...
- Listening to the views of others and responding appropriately, whether in agreement with those views or not. ...
- Accepting responsibilities and being able to delegate to others.
An assertive person has the following main qualities: They can express what they feel. They confidently share their opinion. They can say no without feeling guilty.What is an example of assertiveness in the workplace? ›
Assertive behavior will leave room for other people's opinions to make decisions together. You make sure everyone is on board before making a decision that affects them. This also includes you. You should agree with the decision and stand up for your opinion instead of agreeing with others to make everyone else happy.How do you talk assertively? ›
- Be aware of your body language.
- Make direct eye contact, but soften your eyes so you're not challenging.
- Speak clearly and calmly.
- Keep your tone of voice even and normal while also being sure not to raise the volume of your voice.
- Keep your physical stance open; uncross arms and legs.
Some people believe assertiveness is mean or sounds aggressive. But it's not, it's being courteous, calm, clear and concise.What are the three 3 C's of assertive communication? ›
3 Cs: Confident, Clear, Controlled • Confident: You believe in your ability to handle the situation and are composed. Clear: The message is easy to understand and is not exaggerated. Controlled: You are "tracking" the other person and modulate yourself if necessary.What are assertive skills? ›
Assertiveness skills are communication strategies that allow you to convey information and ideas in an open and direct way while maintaining respect for the people to whom you're speaking. Assertiveness allows you to explain your claims and decisions in a calm and confident manner.What are 10 imperative examples? ›
- Bring me a glass of water.
- Don't ever touch my phone.
- Give me a pen and a pencil.
- Play with intensity and courage.
- Remember me when we are parted.
- Never forget the person who loves you.
- Take a step and don't move.
- Don't be excited about everything without reason.
- 4 Types of Assertion.
- Basic Assertion. This is a simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions. ...
- Empathic Assertion. This conveys some sensitivity to the other person. ...
- Escalating Assertion. ...
- I-Language Assertion.
Assertive/ Positive Sentences
I am going to play. He is going to play. We are going to play. They are going to play.
The basic assertiveness formula has four steps: (1) the situation, (2) the feeling, (3) the explanation, and (4) the request. Another way of stating the formula is (1) here's what happened, (2) here's how I feel about it, (3) here's why I feel that way, so (4) here's what I want.What is the 3 part model for assertive communication? ›
The three part message consists of describing a behavior, then stating an event that is a direct consequence of the behavior, and finally expressing a feeling that results from the event.What are 3 factors that influence assertiveness? ›
Study other factors that affecting assertiveness such as personality , experience , attitude and beliefs which need further researches. Further researches to investigate the socio cultural circumstances that may hinder or enhance the individual to be assertive.How can I be assertive at work without being rude? ›
- Express with confidence.
- Respect others & themselves.
- Are not rude or manipulating.
- Know and protect their boundaries and priorities.
- Are deliberate about choices.
- Disagree openly.
- Have their own opinions.
- Listen to others.
#3: Three-point communication
If you've got to have a tough conversation or deliver some negative feedback, three-point communication should be your go-to. Three-point communication is where the speaker and the listener both 'share' an independent visual medium.
The three A's (attitude, attention, and adjustment) help break down the concept of active listening so that you can tackle every aspect of it and hear what people have to say.What are the basic principles of assertiveness? ›
- Communicates concerns directly to the person he or she has an issue with, rather than talking indirectly about someone behind his/her back.
- Listens actively and reflectively to others.
- Offers direct eye contact.
- Has strong self-awareness and a relaxed posture.
Being assertive means communicating with others in a direct and honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone's feelings. Direct communication can reduce conflict, build self-confidence and enhance personal and work relationships. Assertiveness is a skill that anyone can learn.What are the key elements of assertive behavior? ›
Components of assertive behavior: eye contact, body posture, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, word inflection, timing content (honest, spontaneous, sharing feelings...) presumes caring; I care enough to get involved. Allows a maximum degree of self- determination.What is assertive behavior style? ›
Assertiveness means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to: minimise conflict. control anger. have your needs better met.What are the types of assertive communication? ›
- Expressing needs clearly, respectfully, and appropriately.
- “I” Statements.
- Active Listening- listening without interrupting and reflecting on what you've heard.
- Speaking calmly.
- Good eye-contact.
- Relaxed body language/posture.
- Feeling in control.
3 Cs: Confident, Clear, Controlled • Confident: You believe in your ability to handle the situation and are composed. Clear: The message is easy to understand and is not exaggerated. Controlled: You are "tracking" the other person and modulate yourself if necessary.What is an example of assertive communication quizlet? ›
Statements such as "I am frustrated with this situation" and "I am feeling disrespected by your comments" are examples of assertive communication.What is assertive communication in the workplace? ›
What is assertive communication? Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, opinions, feelings, attitudes and rights in an open and honest way. When you're assertive, you stand up for yourself, while still respecting others.
Assertive Body Language: Stand straight, steady, and directly face the people to whom you are speaking while maintaining eye contact. Speak in a clear, steady voice –loud enough for the people to whom you are speaking to hear you. Speak fluently, without hesitation, and with assurance and confidence.What are the 4 basic components of assertive communication? ›
A Note on Assertive Communication in Relationships
The authors further describe the following key elements of assertive communication in relationships: It is direct, firm, positive, and persistent.
- 4 Types of Assertion.
- Basic Assertion. This is a simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions. ...
- Empathic Assertion. This conveys some sensitivity to the other person. ...
- Escalating Assertion. ...
- I-Language Assertion.
Assertiveness means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to: minimise conflict. control anger.What is the most important part of communication? ›
Listening is one of the most important aspects of communication. Successful listening is not just about understanding spoken or written information but also an understanding of how the speaker feels during communication.